Confessions of a heretic

I've spent most of my adult life branded as a heretic. It began when I was nineteen and started to go to a Charismatic Church. I gladly embraced much of the tenants of modern Charismania. I accepted the doctrine that the gifts of the Holy Spirit have not ceased and are just as applicable today as they were in the days of the apostles. I had supernatural experiences and blogged about them. And I had the audacity to believe that God speaks to us today and that we can receive direction from these words.

I lost friends. People I grew up with refused to speak to me. Social gatherings would prove to be awkward as my presence would be completely ignored as if I was invisible. This was less painful than one would think as I found so many new friends in the Charismatic movement. These became like family to me as we served the Kingdom of God together. I could deal with hateful letters written to me as I had my band of brothers and sisters who had also endured persecution. And nothing in me wanted to go back as I had tasted a beautiful expression of Christianity that contained a measure of life I had never had before.

Over the past eighteen months I have had another development in my spiritual journey. I discovered Anglicanism.  For most of my adult life I had always considered myself the strange product of a hodgepodge of different traditions. Finally I found a theological home for what I had always thought was an eclectic blend of Reformed, Charismatic, Evangelical, and Ancient Christianity. I love the Charismatic movement because of how the worship service is centered around ushering in the Presence of the Holy Spirit through worship. And I love Anglicanism because of how the Sunday service is centered around the Presence of Christ in the sacrament of communion.

I had always struggled with certain Protestant doctrines but was uncomfortable with the Roman Catholic viewpoint on those issues. In Anglicanism I found this middle road that expressed much of what I had already come to believe. However, this came with a price. I was surrounded by those who didn't believe you could be a non-Protestant Christian. The two are antithetical to each other in their minds. They reject many of the early church fathers as Catholic heretics. They proclaim that it is impossible to be Catholic and saved. That we believe in a different gospel. I would hear this said by people who I loved and respected and I would weep. It pained me when I heard those who I had thought would be co-laborers in the gospel attack my salvation unknowingly. I received letters stating that I believe in a different Jesus because of my belief of His Presence in the Sacrament.

I've asked myself if this is worth it. But just like when I discovered the Charismatic movement; I had discovered something beautiful that I couldn't turn my back upon. Every Sunday, as I kneel to receive the Body and Blood of Jesus, I receive life. I have discovered a holistic theology that makes sense to me. A theology that doesn't ignore certain passages of Scripture or allegorizes portions of Scripture that seem to be taken literally. I don't have to reject the early Church Fathers as primitives who didn't understand true Christianity. They were discipled by members of the original twelve. If they believe that Jesus is in the Sacrament then why shouldn't we? I'm just using this as one example of many theological issues.

Yes, the Protestant Reformation needed to happen. There were abuses and errors within the Roman Church that needed to be addressed. But we can't reject 1500 years of Christianity as illegitimate. I've grown up in the Protestant tradition that acted as if the had Church laid dormant between the closing of the canon and the beginning of Protestantism. Christ said that the gates of hell would not prevail against His Church. For us to say that the Church laid dormant is to say that the gates of hell prevailed.

I have to chuckle when Protestants, who would reject the validity of my salvation, post quotes from CS Lewis as the great champion of the faith. CS Lewis, the great Anglo-Catholic, if he was alive today would be branded as a heretic and attacked throughout the far reaches of the internet. Why is he considered a champion of the faith while I am branded a heretic? This reveals the hypocrisy behind those who have appointed themselves as the doctrine police. I got hate letters when I quoted the words of Jesus in His high priestly prayer and said that those who attack the unity of the Church and sow seeds of division are attacking Christ Himself. We are His Body and those who attack the Church universal are attacking Christ Himself. But others say that truth should be valued more than unity. And they keep on holding their meetings and conferences in which they curse ministries that they disagree with and publish articles on how those people aren't really saved.

I can't go back. I believe I have drunk of the ancient wells. In the Charismatic movement we speak about drinking at the wells of revival and redigging those ancient wells. I have gone back to even more ancient wells. The wells of Celtic saints who transformed Ireland from a nation of paganism and Druidism into a Christian nation. Saints who planted monasteries throughout the British Isles and re-evanglized Europe during the Dark Ages. Those are my spiritual ancestors. As I look at America today, particularly California, I see so many parallels between now and the days of St. Patrick, St David of Wales, St Brigid, et al. I want to drink of the wells that they dug. I want to learn from them and receive the keys of authority that they fought for.

But I can't do this as a Protestant for they weren't Protestants. I can't try to emulate them while saying that their theology is heresy and that they weren't even saved. I'm trying to explain the logical conclusion of rejecting the salvation of non-Protestants. If we say that they aren't true Christians then we are doing so much damage. We can't pick and choose. I see individuals stating that Catholics are not saved and on different occasions holding up the martyrdom of Orthodox Christians in the Middle East. There's an inconsistency there. We can't be a divided Bride. Is Christ divided? Is there more than one Christ?

I have drunk of ancient waters. I sign myself with the cross throughout the day as a symbol of my discipleship to Christ and as a symbol of protection against the demonic. I wear the crucifix each day to remind me that I have been crucified with Christ. I pray in tongues throughout the day- even in the marketplace. I utilize the ancient prayers of the Church, along with the Book of Common Prayer, in my devotional life. I believe that in the communion meal I am stepping outside of time and partaking of one meal with the saints past, present, and future. We are one in Christ through His death and resurrection. I look at those departed as examples to follow, as ones who utilize their time in Heaven to pray for us still on earth.

I want to walk in the fullness of what God has for me. And for me, He has called me to walk the ancient paths and live a sacramental Christianity. Other streams are a blessing and I do not condemn them. But I have found something that I can not reject- over the past eighteen months I have grown so much in my walk and union with Christ. And that is what is most important. As ones who bear His name we are called to become one with Him and to allow His Holy Spirit to transform our lives so that we might be consumed by His Spirit. Our goal is to look like Him.

I write this with pain. I write this as one who has lost friends. I write this as one who has had doors shut in his face over this past year. I write this as one who has been shunned by those who I had considered as family. But I write this as one who has had to refuse to let bitterness set in. I pray the words of Jesus and ask that He would be faithful to make us one in Him. That we might be one so that the world would know Him through our unity.

We are called to be united. So many of Paul's letters were rebuking the spirit of division. Love is far more important than the need to be right. I look at the churches here in Berkeley (the same thing is true in so many other cities as well) and I see a group of congregations who are too busy pointing fingers at each other to do any real impact for the Kingdom. I can tell you what's wrong with every church but I can't tell you what's right because I rarely hear that. I see collections of congregants who are at enmity with each other. And we are too busy biting each other to do real damage to the kingdom of darkness.

What would happen if we were willing to lay aside our trivial differences? Whose name were we baptized by? Who was crucified for us? Christ is who should define us and not man made labels. But we have allowed doctrine and denominationalism to divide us. We care more about being right than being united.

I write this as one who has been attacked my entire adult life for following Christ. I can endure the attacks from unbelievers. But it hurts when it comes from my brothers and sisters. The knowledge that there are Christians praying against me and my ministry scares me. The idea that I have been thrown to the wolves and that their words are joining the voice of the great accuser is scary. And I am grieved to know that I have done the same in the past. The effect that this has in the spirit realm is huge.

I'm writing this as a plea. I'm writing this as an open letter to my brothers and sisters to accept me once again. And I'm writing this as an open letter to ask that we would all lay aside our differences and come together as one in heart and mission. Would we be one as Christ and the Father are one? If you have issues with my theology or my spiritual practices then come to me. Show me from Scripture where I am in error and I will listen. Scripture is my final authority- that hasn't changed. In fact as I have gone deeper down these ancient paths I have grown in my love and passion for the Scriptures. I have grown in my walk with the Lord. And I have gained new tools and practices in my daily fight against the kingdom of darkness as I resist the enemy and seek to be more like Christ. I simply ask that my Protestant brothers and sisters would see this and accept me as a fellow Christian. I am no greater than any of you. In fact I sometimes feel that I need the blessings of the ancient paths and the Sacraments, more than others, because of my own wretchedness. Please forgive me if I have ever appeared prideful or judgmental. And please, let us join together in the love of Christ.

What is a Christian? An intro...

What does it mean to be a Christian? Since the time of the apostles there has been debate on this topic. And today we are faced with the importance of this question in a way that we haven't since the time of the apostles. We are surrounded by those who call themselves Christian but to our religious minds they don't look much like Christians. And then there are those who say they are Christian, and might even look like it, but they have some crazy theology. Surely those people aren't "real" Christians? But isn't it all about Jesus? One would think that if someone professes Jesus they should have the privilege to call themselves Christian. It doesn't seem that that's enough though... Let's see what the Church decided when they were first presented with this issue and how that should shape our viewpoint today.

If we look at the early days of the Church we often see the phrase "Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and you will be saved." But what did this mean? After all the demons believe that Jesus existed and the Hindus see Him as a wise guru or even an avatar of the divine. Christ means the anointed one. We have to believe that Christ carried the anointing of God as Messiah. We also have to believe in His ability to save us from our sins (the meaning of Jesus). And Lord means believing in His lordship for our lives. It signifies a level of surrender. To lay aside our own personal ownership of ourselves and accept Christ as our only Lord and Savior. That is what the phrase means.

However, debates quickly rose up. The first Church council was called to answer the issue of Gentiles coming to Christ. It was a radical idea that a Gentile could be saved. After all this was a Jewish Messiah- the One who was promised to bring salvation to the Jews. But the fruit of the Gentile believers, and the fact that they were filled with the Holy Spirit, was indisputable. The apostles accepted them as fellow members of the new covenant. However the question quickly arose; did these new Gentile converts need to convert to Judaism? In other words, could you be a Christian without being a Jew? The idea is laughable to us as 21st Century Gentile believers. But when we put ourselves in the context of the 1st century it makes sense as a valid question. Thankfully the Jerusalem council decided that one did not need to be a Jew to follow Jesus and one did not need to follow the old covenant with its regulations in order to be submitted to the Lordship of Christ.

However the Judiazers never stopped. We see many of St. Paul's writings had to address this issue of legalism. But then there were other issues that arose- the heretics. Scripture was still being written and the canon hadn't been decided. And there were plenty of teachers running around with all sorts of weird ideas. The early Church had to convene council after council to address these heresies. But they hadn't been defined as heresies just yet. The councils had to grapple with them and argue about them. For example the Council of Nicaea took almost a hundred years to decide on the Gnostic heresy, among other things. Before that you could be a Gnostic and a Christian. But after that the Church definitively declared that Gnosticism had no place within Christianity and that anyone holding onto that belief was excommunicated.

One of the greatest gifts of that council was the Nicene Creed. It codified a basic set of beliefs on what it meant to be a Christian. If one held to this creed then they were a Christian- if they did not then they were excommunicated from the Church. In fact, the Church would recite it as a congregation before taking communion. As a declaration of faith before approaching the Lord's Table. And many churches throughout the world still do this to remind ourselves on what a Christian is and to declare our common faith.

But is it enough to believe? Shouldn't our lives reflect this reality? Yes and no. It isn't our role to judge as we can't see the heart. And Scripture is full of men and women of God who were deeply flawed. Religiosity singles out certain lifestyles as incompatible with Christianity while excusing others- this is a problem as we have created a hierarchy of sins and stated that certain ones are incompatible with the Christian life while others can be forgiven. However, if we are professing Christ yet refusing to give Him Lordship then we have a problem. Now I'm speaking of open rebellion/unrepentant sin. I'm not speaking about those who are struggling to overcome something. However, just because someone is blind and deceived about something doesn't mean that their name isn't written in the book of life. All of us are called to bring more and more of our lives under the Lordship of Christ. As we commune with Him He will be faithful in showing us those dark areas of our lives that need to be brought into the light. It is a journey- it isn't instant.

This is why judgment scares me. There are so many people who look righteous yet their inner life is repulsive. And there are so many who look like horrible sinners yet have a revelation of God's love for them and are desperately pursuing Him. We don't know what lies beneath. God looks at the heart and we can only see the outward. But, we should see a progression of holiness in those lives. There's a place for judgement. That is why God has ordained pastors and elders. But we should be careful of judging those who we are not in relationship with. For example it grieves me when I see Christians making judgements against celebrities based on paparazzi reports that are later found to be false. I also see others questioning the salvation of other Christians simply because they have some bad theology- or are on the opposite side of the political spectrum. Satan is the accuser of the brethren. We need to be careful not to do the same.

In short, the Christian is one who has placed themselves under the Lordship of Christ by abandoning all else to follow Him. They believe in the historic creeds of the Church as the doctrine that all Christians have believed throughout the centuries. And they recognize their personal need for a Savior. Then there is the personal relationship and a life spent pursuing more of Him. Justification is a one time thing when we are ransomed by Christ. But it takes a lifetime to become like Him. It's a journey as we bring more and more of ourselves under His Lordship. We can't judge someone simply because they are on a different part of that journey.

Being a Christian is not easy but it is simple. We need to stop making it complicated and purge the spirit of judgment from our midst. How many people have abandoned the church because we judged rather than loved? It is our job to point people to a greater level of communion and the Holy Spirit to guide them into the truth of conviction. Jesus met the woman at the well with compassion. He didn't excuse her sin but He didn't condemn her either. We must do the same. We are the representatives of Christ on this earth and must live accordingly.